To Look On
by Kyrieath
Summary: This is an introspective piece, formerly posted in the 'misc' section, on Lucciola's viewpoint of events that have passed. Spoilers for events up to ep 21. Oneshot.


To Look On 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author: Cyhirae 

Notes: Last Exile isn't mine, Dio and Lucciola certainly aren't mine in particular (but I want 'em! no fair! ;;), nor are the Silvana, Claus, ect ect. I'm just borrowing them for my own odd amusements. 

This story is not intended to be shounen ai, though if taken from the proper angle (and if you tilt your head sideways while squinting yer eyes and thinking SA thoughts), it can likely be viewed as such. It is an introspective piece- with spoilers for throughout the whole series up to ep 21. Don't like any of what I've warned about- don't read. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-To Look On-

As the preperations begin all around us, I continue to watch over the one who was once my charge- I would not dare to say 'friend'- as he takes in these new events without that distinctly childlike joy.... wondering, all the while, on something mentioned in a passing curiosity by Godwyn... To think anything the head mechanic would have to say would make me think on anything, especially at a time like this. 

What is the guild? 

..I had answered him truthfully. To me, the guild is Maestro Delphine and Principle Dio... and that meant what precisely? 

It meant servitude. Bowing my will to Delphine's in all things, as all the guild must, and never daring to contradict her even when I thought her wrong. She is the Maestro, ruler of the guild and thusly of all Prestale you might say... the governess of the technology gifted to allow those below the clouds to fly...dictator of where that substance so precious to such people, water, may be dispensed and at what quality. 

Her word can end a life or begin it- her look or gesture say whether you succeed or fail. She is one to be worshipped in terror, kept appeased by offerings of submissive wills, bowed heads and tongues held silent... For no one wished to court her anger and the undeniable disaster it would bring. Every aspect of the guild was subject to her whims...once her command is given, we can only obey. 

But it also means frustration. Frustration in the form of someone very unlike and yet alike Delphine, who's protection is my concern. Someone alternatively reckless and scheming, childish and naive. 

Where Delphine is a rigid chain of order holding our lives in it's grip- Dio has become a rose vine wrapping around that chain, darting wildly in whatever direction catches it's fancy- sometimes dazzling with it's brightness, at others leaving wounds as thorns pass... It had been a painful thing to see. Especially in the last year... 

It was painful to watch Dio. Painful to see him try to live his life as freely as he could, knowing Delphine would soon clip his wings. I think, for a time, he may have resigned himself to what was coming...calming himself to simply watching the world from the observation decks of the guild ships, letting chess games he always won against me be his only entertainment.. 

Until someone had caught his interest. Someone who's joy for flying seemed equal to Dio's own... though all admit he was far calmer in his expression of it. How Dio sensed that in him..I still don't understand. But from that time on- he had become restless. Seeing another's spread wings made him want to spread his own again... and the flight they've taken us on is one too odd for words some days.... 

It's been a puzzling time from the moment Dio sighted 'Immelman' at the Horizon Cave race. His already odd obsession had become overpowering- to the point of even boarding a ship we had no records on- a surefire gamble....but my will must be bowed to Dio as well. He is the heir, after all, and of a higher rank... 

I simply wish he'd take the time to make slightly more rational descions sometimes. But I suppose he'd not be Dio if he did. 

Something truly changed while we were among the Silvana's crew. Dio acted much as he always had at first- wild and childish, happy to do or say whatever first came to mind without a care for the consequence. I still dread to think what would have happened if they had honestly chosen to treat us as hostages. Instead- it felt, gradually, more as if we were being adopted. 

There's simply no other word for it. First Ressius accepted us..then the mechanics when Dio showed a love for vanships- even if it did come with some rather blunt criticism...Something I always thought he would never outgrow. Still, every time he was more accepted..he seemed to grow a little more..more open, and in some ways more childish- yet still eager, even to be of use. I've never seen him take such joy in being _told_ to do something as when Ressius first made us help him with the engine.. 

This, from someone who would usually do all he could to work around an order given by Delphine. 

But not all the changes were good. Even as he began to open up- he began to fear... it would soon be time for him to take his place in the Ceremony of Allegiance..and the closer it came, the more agitated he became. What he had once accepted without question, life on the Sylvana with it's lack of rules and wide open skies had encouraged him to fight. 

He could no longer simply accept that it must be this way. 

Perhaps I never should have let it go so far. I could have forced him to return to the guild before now... In some ways, it likely would have been for the better. I had even considered it..until the 'birthday party'. I had seen Dio excited, upset, positively hyper and depressed- but until that day, I realized there was one way I had never seen him. He had never, in all his time in the guild, been truly happy. For all it's pleasures and comforts it had offered the heir- he found more joy in gifts of scrolls, magazines (which were promptly locked away when Dio wasn't looking mind you. I had intended to talk to Costavi about his idea of appropriate gifts...), water, used goggles..and a very....._interesting_...looking cake. Though I must admit..for all it's odd looks...it had tasted quite good. I never would have thought Alvis capable of cooking. 

After that- I knew there was no way Dio would ever willingly return to the guild, no way I could talk him into it. And...it was for the better. Any place he could be happy, be open and enjoying the world around him- that was where he belonged, plain and simple. Not in the stained glass walls and cages of the guild. 

I knew it was too much to hope for that the guild would somehow leave the Silvana be when it dared to approach EXILE. I knew it was too much to hope for that Delphine would ignore that Dio had been absent and let the Birth Week slip by. 

I'll never forget how he looked at me when he entered the bridge. It had hurt worse than his slap...that betrayed look. He had trusted me explicity..to see me standing with Delphine's entourage...but what else was I to do? I could not disobey Delphine..none of us could. None of us truly tried- save Dio. 

And now- not even he does. 

When Delphine calls him out to join her, Claus and Alvis at dinner...I have to look away. I don't want to see that look. That isn't Dio..not with those cold lifeless eyes failing to fix on any of us..not talking with that dead, toneless voice. It's just a shadow, a mockery of him...a puppet Delphine created in his image. 

A puppet I can't help but feel I should have been able to somehow prevent coming to be. I know it's impossible- it is simply how things are among those of the guild...but...all I can remember is that look of betrayal, his snarl of anger and hurt, and the slap... Was that going to be the last action of the Dio I had known? It isn't something I want to remember him by...it's like having the last memory of your only..friend cursing you as they die.... 

_Dio...can you ever forgive me?_

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that's it. ; There may be another chapter depending on how the show goes from this point on. Hope you enjoyed it (or at least didn't get too insanely bored). Thank you for reading! 


End file.
